It’s been been almost three years since I worked for an institution, but some things die hard.
Over the past year, I have been changing my relationship with Mondays.
When I was employed by someone else, my weekend would go something like this: Fridays felt good. Usually, I was hopeful on Fridays about the things I would accomplish over the weekend or about all the rest I would get. By Sunday, I still felt tired and/or felt like I had done nothing “productive” over the weekend.
Sundays were hard for me for another reason. My mind would start gearing up for the week ahead. I would rehash tensions from the previous week, think about how to present my case(s) in more convincing ways, about the follow-ups I needed to do, boundaries I needed to set and the demands people would surely make on me the next day. As a defensive strategy, I would go through my emails on Sunday nights. When I tried to prove to myself I could hold boundaries and not touch my email over the weekend, I still felt the demands, known and unknown, screaming at me through the closed laptop.
I am sure you have guessed by now, this recipe of stress and tension meant I slept very little on Sunday nights. My body was at home, but my mind had already logged into my work computer, at my desk, at my campus office. It was no different than actually being there. Despite actually liking the work I did, on Sundays I was angry about the demands I felt and angry at myself for being angry. Then, I was exhausted at work the next day.
Despite the fact that I have been the sole manager of my time as a business owner, I realized that on Sundays I was having the same sadness, disappointment and anger I experienced while working for someone else. I had chosen this box for myself and neatly folded myself into it.
Then, one day (probably in 2022) when I was setting up a calendar link for a certain set of meetings, I excluded Monday slots from the options people could book. Then, the next time I set up a calendar link, I excluded Monday slots. Then, the next time I set up a calendar link, I excluded Monday slots, and on and on.
A business coach had planted a seed in me in 2021. She challenged me to think about how many days a week I wanted to work Monday through Friday. The option of working less than five days a week had NEVER occurred to me. It was the WORK week for goodness sake. This challenge prompted new thoughts and opened up new possibilities: I could start the week light on Mondays or not start it at all on Mondays.
My Sunday nights are starting to feel different. The thing is: if I want to do a little work on Sunday night, such as drafting newsletter posts, I go ahead and do that with less intensity, to relieve a little pressure and help me feel ahead. However, if I decide I don’t want to or can’t do anything Sunday night, I don’t do anything, I know my Monday will not punish me for not being on top of everything. Also, I no longer imagine I can control the environment by trying to be on top of everything.
I have set up my Mondays to be low demand. My Mondays do not require me to operate at a high energy level, even when I have lots of energy. I get up early, or I sleep late. As it turns out, relieving myself of pressure on Mondays is opening up lots of space for creativity. Relieving myself of this pressure is allowing me to have a different relationship with Sunday nights, a different relationship with my Monday workdays (or off days) and a different relationship with time in general.
Old habits are dying hard, BUT, they are dying.